It’s hard to know what to do when he pulls away. It’s even harder to “do nothing” because you naturally want to find out why you are being rejected and fix things. There can be a whole world behind his reasons for pulling away from you, but there are two things you need to understand:
- Nothing justifies a person ghosting you (that is, walking away without explanation)
- It says more about him than it does about you. Regardless of the circumstances, communication should be the basis of any healthy relationship, and if he doesn’t do his part, it’s not your fault.
However, it’s only natural for you to feel confused when he starts responding to you less, being distant, paying less attention to you, or being less available.
The three most common reactions when he pulls away without any explanation, depending on your personality, are:
- Imitate him: Choosing your pride and walking away as a method of defense.
- Dragging yourself: Asking again and again in a desperate way.
- Trying to talk it over: Checking if everything is going well and showing yourself open to conversation.
The third option would be ideal. Unfortunately, just because you do the right thing doesn’t always mean that the other person will reciprocate.
What to do when he pulls away
It depends on the type of relationship you have.
1. Stable relationship
If you’ve been together for a long time and generally have a healthy and steady relationship, it’s probably worth fighting for and getting to the bottom of the struggle.
2. Nothing serious
If you’re in a casual relationship or haven’t been together for that long, you may need to take stock to understand whether this person, who walks away without warning, is worth it. Still, to avoid giving play to the imagination, it is expected that you want to understand what happened.
3. Flirt who ghosted you
If this is a person you like very much at the moment, but objectively you know each other or your story began relatively recently, it is better to run away from there. If from the beginning, he shows he puts obstacles to your relationship and makes you feel insecure. In that case, he will likely do it again, creating an intermittent reinforcement that will make you highly dependent on the ups and downs of this person.
You must make yourself a priority and say goodbye before it is too late.
3 main reasons why he pulls you away
If you are sure your relationship with this person is worthwhile, you should be prepared to have a conversation. It’s not a good idea to stop and think about it too much because you’ll probably rely on assumptions – It’s always best to talk it over.
However, you can stop and think for a moment about recent events in your life to find a possible reason. There could be thousands, but we’ll sum them up in three:
1. Problems with himself
Remember that besides your relationship, he has a life. Has anything happened to him in the last few months or weeks that might have affected him? You may not have noticed it, and he might need some support.
Some people withdraw into themselves as a method of defense. Just as you would with any other friend, the best thing you can do is not to let him isolate himself. Let him see that he can count on you without overwhelming or putting too much pressure on him. Show him that you’re open to talking.
2. Problems with you or the relationship
Without beating yourself up, it’s a good time to do some self-examination. Is there anything about you that has been bothering him lately? Is there any aspect of the relationship that he is unhappy with? More importantly: Is it fair for him to react this way?
If it affects you directly, it’s essential to be understanding and open to dialogue, but always respect your boundaries.
3. Hey, it is not worth it
If he is a person with some difficulty expressing himself or needs a moment to think, you can give him time to reflect before speaking.
But if it’s a person who has willingly decided not to communicate their discontent or walk away, you’ll need to understand that he doesn’t value you enough to make things right. As cruel as it may sound, it’s essential to realize that such a person could never make you happy, even if he did in the past.
When he pulls away, do nothing: Things to consider
- Regardless of the type of relationship, you can offer him a short period to reflect without overwhelming him. If he has decided not to talk and you put too much pressure on him to do so out of desperation, it will likely end badly.
- Never let that period be too long.
- Tell him you’ve noticed something is wrong, and be open to the conversation.
- Understand that communication is the foundation of any relationship and should be respected by both parties.
- If the problems come from the other person, don’t blame yourself because the relationship is going wrong. He is not reflecting his image of you but is dealing with his battles. Sometimes, the feelings are there, but the timing is not.
- An unstable person will never be able to offer a solid relationship.
- Understanding him when he has problems or difficulties communicating does not mean accepting any behavior. Learn to set limits and conditions. Being too much of a people pleaser will make the person get used to treating you as he pleases without respecting minimums.
When he pulls away, do nothing: The most important thing
Walking away without saying anything is never the solution, whether for personal reasons or because of problems within the couple. It generates a great sense of insecurity and frustration, repeatedly becoming a toxic dependency and fear of abandonment. Even if he walks away because you made a mistake, just pulling you away without explaining why is never right.
So, if he pushes you away without warning, do nothing. Just understand that he’s probably not worth it, and don’t seek to blame yourself. Learn to understand, but not to excuse.