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Do exes always come back? 5 factors to consider

The period after a breakup is incredibly bittersweet. You’ve gone through many phases: denial, despair, and that whirlwind between sadness and missing him mixed with glimpses of “maybe it was for the best.” Maybe you’ve experienced it in past relationships, that vicious cycle with exes. It’s a cliché in our society that exes always come back. But is it true? Do exes always come back running into our lives?

Most of them don’t come back to stay, but at least they come back and make you rethink everything, leaving you very confused. Is this the case for you? Is it just a movie cliché? If you want to know more specifically what it depends on whether your ex comes back or you are left waiting, we explain it to you in this post.

In addition, we want to help you, or at least give you the tools to make the best decision. When should you accept your ex back? And a question you should ask yourself: Were you in love?

Do exes always come back?

Let’s start with a bit of psychology. Do exes always come back? The short answer is no. Not always. But many do, on many occasions. A love relationship usually means a comfort zone, a small family unit, and plans for the future in which you are not alone.

do ex always come back

It doesn’t take long for us to get used to that image of an ideal life. When all these schemes are broken, even being aware that many times it’s for the best, it is hard to move on. Some exes come back impulsively because they cannot control sadness or despair or do not know how to be alone.

Others cannot imagine a life without you. They are too afraid to imagine another future. Others fear they will never feel the same again. Our brain works like an addiction. We feel like something is missing, and our brain sets off all the alarms.

It will manipulate your feelings and your expectations. It will do whatever it takes to convince you that the best thing you can do to make yourself feel better is to get back together with your partner. Some people find the strength to fight these impulses. But what does it depend on?

What does it depend on to get your ex back? 5 factors to consider

There are several factors to consider when trying to figure out your ex’s chances of returning. These are the most relevant ones:

1. The reason why you broke up

One of the most important aspects to consider is why you broke up. Did you cheat? Did he? Were you just bored? Was it super dramatic?

If it was a serious reason, such as betrayal, your ex might not want to get back together with you. On the other hand, if it was his fault, he may come crawling around. If you broke up because you felt the spark was lost, he probably doesn’t feel the need to get back together even if you missed each other.

2. How was the relationship right before the breakup?

Ask yourself if everything was going well before you left or if it was a relationship destined to fail. You probably wouldn’t go back if you were constantly arguing, fighting, uncomfortable, and suffering. And if he wants to return, it will be because he cannot break the toxic vicious circle you have developed.

If everything was going well, and it was an isolated argument in the relationship, he probably realizes it and wants to return to you.

3. What did you both do after the breakup?

It is essential to consider what you both did after the breakup. In two ways: firstly, what did you do together, i.e., did you follow the no-contact rule or try to be friends? Secondly, whether you devoted yourselves to living life and recovering from the breakup or lamenting about what had happened.

do exes always come back - what did you do

It becomes much more difficult if you stay in touch. Respect the mourning period. You can’t go from being a couple to being friends even if you both agree, and this influences your partner to want to get back together with you, as he never got used to your absence.

And, of course, if, during the time apart, he spent his time being sad and listening to your songs in bed while looking at your photos repeatedly, it is impossible to even think about moving on.

4. His maturity

Even if you left him by mutual agreement, if he is a stubborn guy with a childish mentality, he may refuse to accept the breakup or act impulsively. Did your ex block you right after you broke up?

5. Was it mutual?

Of course, we’ve talked throughout the article as if it was an amicable breakup. But if you decided to leave him, and he didn’t agree or was particularly upset, he will likely try to get back together with you. Even if he left you, he might rethink why he did it if he is impulsive or going through a bad period in his life. 

When should you accept your ex back?

The important thing is not whether he tries to come back to you. The important thing is whether you will let him back into your life. The situations in which getting back with an ex is a good option should be very limited to avoid unnecessary suffering.

And these are:

  • When the reason is not something unforgivable or that will be blamed throughout the relationship.
  • When you know your boyfriend regrets dumping you, or it was a one-time thing.
  • When it was an isolated argument
  • When the relationship was working healthily and stably before the breakup.
  • When you feel that it would work afterward
  • When you are both willing to compromise and make certain agreements to ensure the well-being of both of you as individuals within a relationship

Are you in love?

Before rethinking whether to get back together, you should think about something that often goes unnoticed: Are you still in love? Many couples go back together only because it is part of their routine; they don’t know how to be alone because of fear of abandonment, etc.

do exes always come back - are you in love

Are you really in love, or are you just afraid of the future without a partner? Is it love and illusion that motivates you, or is it fear and anxiety?

Do exes always come back? The bottom line

Many exes try to return, taking advantage of the emotional vulnerability after the breakup. It is up to you what to do about it. You need to consider many factors to understand whether your ex wants to come back because he loves you and misses you or because the breakup is too difficult for him.

You need to rethink what you want, and if you decide to go back, you must establish certain agreements to avoid hurting each other again. Remember that getting back with your ex isn’t always the best idea. If you do decide to go for it, both of you must make compromises and agreements to guarantee a healthy relationship from now on. Good luck!