Shy girls are like undiscovered treasures. Few take the time and effort to converse with them because most do not enjoy small talk. They shy away from superficial conversations. This means they have a complex inner world they don’t share with anyone. In this article, we’ll explain how to talk to a shy girl and stop making her uncomfortable.
What about you? Will you be one of them? Do you want to learn how to approach a shy girl? This article gives tips beyond the typical “be patient” or “give her space” that everyone says.
How to talk to a shy girl: 10 tips for breaking the ice
If you’re empathetic, you can probably feel the moment she goes from being a little uncomfortable to being much more comfortable with you. It’s a matter of taking it one step at a time, following these steps:
1. Talk directly to her
When many people are in the conversation, shy girls tend to hide in silence. They don’t have to make an effort. Therefore, to talk to her, you should approach her and speak directly to her.
Even better if you turn it into a conversation between the two of you while the others talk to each other or break into several groups. It will be easier to open up with one person than with five.
2. Ask open-ended questions
Don’t become your enemy! Avoid “yes” or “no” questions or short, boring answers like “what’s your favorite color?“. Think of something that needs to be elaborated on and could be interesting. Please don’t go overboard with intense questions, either. We don’t want her to feel judged.
3. Ask about something you know about her
It will be much easier if you ask her about something you already know about her, such as her studies and what she aspires to in the future, or ask her about a favorite activity or movie.
It doesn’t have to be something super deep or personal. Just find something she is passionate about or thinks about often enough to engage in a more extended conversation. Usually, the more she has to say, the more natural she will act and the more comfortable she will feel as the conversation progresses.
4. Try to make her laugh
Avoid boring topics of conversation. You can ask her about studies or work, but don’t be monothematic. Try to say or talk about something funny, like a meme or something that has gone viral, and don’t hesitate to bring out your best jokes. But try to be spontaneous and don’t overdo it.
5. Avoid negative comments about other people
If she senses that you start criticizing others or highlighting negative aspects of other people, you will make her not trust you. Shy people are very observant. She will understand that if you talk badly about other people behind their backs, you will most likely speak badly about her too.
In addition, you will give off the vibes of a toxic person. Avoid conversations that are based on judging others.
6. Listen to her and give her time to answer
If she starts talking slowly, give her time. She may have difficulty getting started at first, and if you interrupt her or don’t let her finish her speech, she may shut down and feel insecure. So make sure you listen to her, let her know you hear her by nodding or making sounds of approval, and leave a few seconds when she finishes in case she decides to continue.
7. Answer her comments with enthusiasm
You don’t have to become her cheerleader, but responding enthusiastically after her comments will make her feel more comfortable opening up to you. For example, if she shares her opinion about a movie or anything else and you insist on how right she is and that you feel the same way, you’ll create a bond of collaboration that will make her feel understood.
8. Don’t comment on her personality
The classic mistake is to point out that she is shy, quiet, or reserved. She won’t magically change her personality, thanks to your comment. Instead, it will produce the opposite effect.
You will cause her to withdraw even more. She will probably feel insecure because she knows you have sensed her shyness. And believe me, if she is timid, you won’t be the first person to bring it to her attention. And most likely, when it has been pointed out to her, it hasn’t been to compliment her.
9. Share something personal if you want her to do the same
Once you’ve talked some more and sense that she feels comfortable talking, you can take a small step. It’s about sharing a more personal experience related to one of the topics you are talking about so that she feels comfortable doing the same. Sort of like mimicking your behavior.
For example, if you’re talking about family, and you share something personal like how you’ve never seen your dad again and miss him, she’ll sense that you trust her. She’ll probably leap to share something on the same topic. But don’t share something too overwhelming or personal because the information may block her.
10. Don’t be pushy
Above all, don’t be pushy. Don’t insist that she tells you anything. Follow all these steps and give her several chances. But if she doesn’t want to budge, don’t insist. She may not be interested in talking to you, feel uncomfortable, or have a bad day.
Or she’s just being rude. The important thing is that you give her the opportunities without putting too much pressure on her.
How to approach a shy girl: Final words
All of these steps are very helpful in learning how to talk to a shy girl. Together, with a person willing to collaborate in communication, they usually pay off. Shy people require more patience, as you don’t know why they have become introverted.
They may have felt very judged in their day-to-day life. But you should also know the limits and understand that if after an hour of trying to talk about various topics and putting a lot of effort on your part, she cannot make a sentence longer than ten seconds, it is simply better to stop.
Have you ever tried to talk to a shy person? Share your experience in the comments below! Good luck!