You are constantly mistreated because you allow it yourself. You always look for the best in people. Maybe you even play hard to get, but you give third and fourth chances to those who don’t deserve them. You are constantly justifying whenever a guy mistreats you, ignores you, or isn’t fair to you. But you forget one thing: If he wants you, he will pursue you.
No more always accepting the bare minimum and chasing after a person who doesn’t know what they want. Because you know what you want, you must be clear about what you deserve: constancy and reciprocity.
You, who have always accepted the crumbs, now it’s your turn to receive the love you deserve. Let him show you that he is willing to look for you. Don’t forget these rules to avoid falling into low expectations.
Note: If he wants you, he will pursue you
Aren’t you tired of always being the one who goes after him? For once, let him chase you. Do nothing. If he disappears, let him go.
If he cannot swallow his pride and chase you after all your efforts, time, and opportunities, it will be better to let him go. He who loves you seeks you out. In a healthy relationship, it doesn’t have to be like this constantly, but if you feel you are always giving much more than you get, let the scales balance.
It would help if you made him understand that you are free to leave whenever you want. More importantly, let him know that if he doesn’t take care of you, doesn’t treat you the way you deserve, or doesn’t value you, you will go somewhere else where they know how to take care of you.
Maybe when he sees that you are no longer after him, he will open his eyes. Perhaps he doesn’t know what he has until he feels he’s lost it.
Give him a taste of his own medicine.
If you let it depend on him and he doesn’t pursue you, he doesn’t love you and doesn’t deserve you.
Do not content yourself with less
When we love a person very much, sometimes we get wrapped up in fear of losing them. Because of this, you start to justify all kinds of behaviors. You accept anything. You become a conformist.
It isn’t easy to realize when feelings take over, so let’s approach it from another perspective: Think about your best friend or someone significant to you. Think about what she deserves and what kind of relationship would make her happy. Now, imagine she’s in the same situation as you. What would you say to her?
If you find it hard to be objective about your situation, the best thing you can do to protect yourself and treat yourself fairly is to counsel yourself as if you were helping a friend. You deserve no less than your friend earns.
So don’t accept less than you deserve.
Do not lower your expectations to become more loveable
Sometimes we get our hopes up too quickly.
You have a crush. You idealize him, he love-bombs you, and you feel like you’re in love in a matter of weeks. You’re in a good mood; you’re nervous about receiving their messages and start talking all the time.
And then comes the disillusionment phase. You start to see that he treats you differently and writes you differently. He pays less attention to you or starts to be moody and inconsistent. Sometimes he is very present. Sometimes he disappears.
Now you see his faults. Now you start to feel that he doesn’t make you feel so good anymore.
And so, you unconsciously decide to lower your expectations because then you can still like him, and so you are easier to enjoy. Because you accept whatever he gives you, he doesn’t have to make an effort. It’s enough that he does the minimum, whatever he wants because you allow it. And you start to stop being happy, to pay attention to every change of behavior.
You are always available for him or for when he wants to be.
This situation does not happen overnight. It starts slowly, and you get into these habits without realizing it. And suddenly, you’re in a relationship you wouldn’t have accepted a few months ago. A relationship you would tell your friend to run away from.
Run away from mixed signals
The most identifiable red flags are mixed signals. You can recognize them even if the relationship blinds you.
Sometimes he makes you feel great, he’s there, present, but that same day or the next day, he disappears, walks away, or behaves strangely without warning. And the worst thing is that you can’t blame him for anything or complain because it means conflict and the possibility of losing him.
Also, if you try to talk about it and communicate your insecurities, he will make you feel like a burden or a problem. He will tell you that he is free to do whatever he wants, that you are overreacting, that he has too much work, or is too busy.
And he’ll go on with his life. And you’ll hope he wants to include you. How’s that fair?
There are no excuses
Don’t accept the excuses he wants to give you. And don’t make them yourself. Of course, we all have ups, downs, and rough patches, but it is not the norm. You cannot be happy and should not tolerate a relationship in which the person is not constant and always makes excuses because he is sad, busy, has problems, etc.
You need an emotionally responsible person in your life.
If you are emotionally involved, he must recognize your feelings, have empathy for you, and understand that his actions have consequences.
You are not his responsibility. Of course, we are individual entities, but he must take responsibility for the effect of his actions on you, especially when he does not treat you properly.
Please don’t allow the other person to come to you when he wants what he wants, and walk away when you need him.
There’s no hurry
Are you with a person with all of the above red flags? Are you living in a relationship where you give 80%, and he provides a meager 20%? Don’t give more chances.
Get out of the loop.
This person will convince you. Your feelings will convince you, that he deserves another chance, that he can change, and that he loves you.
It’s essential to remember a painful truth: sometimes, love isn’t everything. For a relationship to work, there must be commitment, consistency, communication, reciprocity, empathy, and understanding.
It’s no use being loved if you’re not loved well. Although let’s be honest, if you’ve seen yourself reflected throughout this article, he probably doesn’t even love you as much as you think he does.
Do not be arrogant
The exception proves the rule. Please don’t confuse a rough patch with your partner with him ignoring you. Don’t think he should chase you every time you ignore him.
In a healthy relationship, no one should chase anyone. It should be as balanced as possible.
Apply the “if he wants you, he will pursue you” theory if, in a general way, you always have to go after him or he is an unsteady person in the relationship.
But if he is simply in a difficult period and you know he has always been fair to you, don’t add this unnecessary pressure to satisfy your needs and quell your insecurities.
If he wants you, he will pursue you: Final words
Learn to set boundaries for your partner, but more importantly: set limits for yourself.
Be clear about what you want in your life, but above all, be clear about what you will not allow. You must be the first to comply with your limits because many people will treat you as they please if you cannot tell them enough.
Value yourself, prioritize yourself, love yourself, and demand the same from your partner.