The guy you like may have a very healthy life and mentality. You have had a casual relationship, feelings have blossomed, and everything seems to be going very well. But he won’t commit. You feel that he likes you or even loves you, but you are not officially a couple. He seems to run away every time you suggest discussing the subject. Why are men afraid of commitment?
Many men have problems when it comes to dealing with a relationship. Some because of the classic story of the ex-girlfriend who left a mark on them, others because they have never had a profound and stable relationship, and others simply because specific patterns in their life have led them to generate insecurities when it comes to committing.
What are the reasons that lead a man to have this fear?
Why are men afraid fo commitment? 8 common reasons
If your boyfriend or the guy you like is afraid of commitment, it is most likely due to at least one of the following reasons:
1. Fear of losing their freedom
Stereotypically, the concept of being in a relationship has led to sacrificing freedom.
Stop seeing friends, stop partying, give up hobbies, and always have to go with a partner. Sadly, this idea of a toxic relationship is generally accepted as the definition of a serious relationship. In this case, you can only talk to him and assure him that this will not be the case.
Realistically, he will spend time with you and therefore spend less time on other things in his life. But it doesn’t mean you must take up all of his time. Make him understand that you both have to respect certain limits and that you are still independent people despite being in a couple.
Maybe a past relationship has made him see the opposite, and now it’s your turn to show him that it’s possible to have a healthy relationship without losing freedom.
2. Fear of being controlled
Related to the loss of freedom is another even more severe level of a toxic relationship: being controlled.
If you’ve been through a toxic relationship with a jealous, insecure, manipulative, etc., ex-girlfriend, you may be afraid that you’ll start controlling when he goes out, with who, check his phone, and get into a loop of toxic habits.
3. Fear of controlling
Some men are aware of their insecurities.
They recognize their jealousy and may have had bad habits in past relationships and don’t want to repeat them.
They think being jealous will lead them to want to control and manipulate you, so they don’t trust themselves and instead take a step back.
Although the intention is humbling, running away is not always the solution. Remember that we all have insecurities to a greater or lesser extent, and we have to deal with them from within, but that doesn’t mean we can’t lean on our partner.
Being jealous is not toxic. Being unhealthy is trying to control or change the other person’s behavior to relieve ourselves. But it is fair to communicate our insecurities, lean on our partner, trust and let time help us.
4. Fear of abandonment
Many men suffer from the fear of abandonment or rejection. They believe that you will eventually lose interest in them and abandon them. This fear can go hand in hand with traumas with ex-partners or even go further and have origins in their relationship with their parents when they were young.
Faced with this fear, many prefer to prevent and protect themselves by avoiding involving feelings. Falling in love means being vulnerable and waiting for you to hurt them, so they will avoid committing and even developing feelings or admitting that they feel something at all costs.
You can constantly offer support, but remember that he must be the one to find the determination to face his fears.
5. Fear of not fulfilling expectations
He thinks he should behave a certain way even if you don’t expect anything. He has a role model in his head, and he must follow it not to disappoint your (or rather, his) expectations of how a boyfriend should behave.
You will notice this fear when you notice a radical change in his behavior that may seem optimistic (more affectionate, more attentive, more detail-oriented). Still, in reality, he is adding pressure on himself and generating anxiety. Irrationally, he thinks you will abandon him if he relaxes and behaves naturally.
6. Fear of responsibility
They think having a partner is a responsibility, like having a child.
They believe that they have to make you happy all the time, that if you are sad or having a bad day, it is their absolute duty to cheer you up, even to the point of sacrificing their plans. Sometimes that’s the right thing to do. The problem is that men fail to identify when they do it for pleasure and because they love you and when they do it because they feel they have to do it.
After all, it’s their responsibility as a boyfriend. Or so they think. Some men disappear once they start fearing this. Don’t worry, though. You dodged another bullet. If he suddenly disappears, let him go.
Other reasons why he won’t commit
What if it’s not a fear of commitment?
Sadly there are other reasons why many men will avoid being in a relationship at all costs, and it may be in your best interest too:
a) He’s not mature enough
Regardless of how old they are, they may never have had a serious, mature relationship, or he may be one of these guys who prefers to live eternal adolescence with his friends. This type of person cannot manage his feelings and emotions, so in reality, if he’s not willing to be in a relationship, you’re probably dodging a bullet.
b) Trust issues
Classic problem after a relationship in which he has been unfaithful, abandoned or had bad experiences or traumas from his parent’s relationship. He should be the one to decide when and how to start dealing with his problem, and you can do nothing but support him if he decides to count on you.
Remember that a person with trust issues cannot have a healthy relationship because that is where emotional codependency, jealousy, insecurities, control, etc., are born.
c) He wants to keep seeing other women
They are not always a victim. Sometimes they are simply selfish.
Maybe he doesn’t want to commit because he prefers to keep having fun seeing other people. It may be because he doesn’t feel like committing right now because he likes someone else. After all, he’s not mature enough, etc. It’s important to remember that this is a possibility, even if it hurts.
Some guys keep you around while not wanting a relationship, just in case.
d) He’s not that into you
Finally, it may not be fear of commitment, trauma, or lack of maturity, but simply that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.
Identify if this person is playing games with you and kick them out of your life.
Why are men afraid of commitment? Final words
Identifying why the guy you like won’t commit might satisfy your curiosity, but you can’t do anything about it. You can only show your support, be open-minded and offer to listen to his concerns. But if your partner is afraid of commitment, he must be the one to find the determination to take the step to face his fears.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who was afraid of commitment? How did you deal with it? Tell us in the comments!