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Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?

So, there’s a guy in your life you talk to every day, you see each other often, and you have a lot of trust and intimacy. But It’s nothing serious. Or so you think. But he’s not with anyone else. Or so you think. He treats you like a couple but claims you’re not a couple every time the subject comes up. He says he doesn’t want a relationship or that he doesn’t love you “that way.” And then you start thinking, “why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?“.

Those words create a tremendous inner conflict for you because you are together for all intents and purposes, but you are afraid of falling in love with him, and he doesn’t love you back.

This article explains possible reasons why he keeps you around even if he doesn’t want a relationship.

Why does he keep you around if he doesn’t want a relationship? 7 common reasons

There can be many reasons. Here we explain the most likely ones. Follow your instinct to identify which one may be the most accurate.

1. It’s too early

Don’t try to rush things. If you try to chain him into a relationship he doesn’t want right now, you’ll only scare him away. Enjoy the process, get to know him better, let him get to know you, and find out if you are compatible and feel for each other. What will be, will be, but don’t force anything because you only condemn them to go wrong.

2. He doesn’t know what he wants

Maybe he has never had a relationship before, is very confused, does not know how to differentiate what he feels, or is living a difficult moment in his life. His intentions may not be to play games with you. But remember that you must be your priority. Assess, don’t justify, and make a decision accordingly.

Try talking to him if you think you’ve reached your limit, and don’t let it become an obsession.

why does he keep me around if he doesn't want a relationship - he doesn't know what he wants

3. He knows he doesn’t love you but wants to keep you around

Some people are just plain selfish. Let’s face it. He may just be playing with you. Maybe he knows he doesn’t love you that way, but he’s lonely, or he gains more by having you around than by letting you go.

It’s time to fight for yourself and not be fooled. Run away from this type of person before you suffer too much.

4. He’s afraid of committing

Maybe he does love you. He treats you this way because he is in love, and although you are a couple for all practical purposes, he is afraid of committing. He is trying to avoid the fear of abandonment, fear of it going wrong, of the future, of being wrong, of changing too much, of losing his freedom, of depending too much on you, etc.

Fears are irrational, and people with a fear of commitment must be able to face their anxiety to overcome it. But they won’t do so until they are sure it’s worth it and can trust you. Understand that even if you take that step, these types of people tend to self-sabotage, sabotage the relationship, and convince themselves that they don’t feel anything to run away from. They are people who come and go.

Therefore, you must talk and set boundaries. You must be supportive, but he must commit to making a significant effort for himself and the relationship.

5. He’s been hurt

We all have a past. In your eyes, everything is going great right now, so why change it?

If he had a hard time in his last relationship, he may have become distrustful and might need more time than usual to trust again. You can show him by being there over time that you are worthy of his trust. But, of course, don’t let him use this as an excuse. These efforts should be 50-50.

6. He’s not sure about your feelings

How open are you, and have you considered the option that maybe he doesn’t know if you want to take the plunge? Perhaps you’re conveying insecurity if you’re not affectionate or don’t show your feelings much. Without being dragged down by him, try making your feelings clear.

Sometimes guys texts you every day but don’t make plans because they don’t know if they should make a move or not yet.

why does he keep me around if he doesn't want a relationship - he's using you

7. He’s using you

Let’s face it. If you have that kind of friends-with-benefits relationship, you might just be playing second fiddle. In this case, you cannot allow him to use you. Run away, recognize your value and free yourself to open the door to someone who will honestly know how to value you.

What can you do?

If you have clarified your feelings and offered your support, trust, and time, but this guy is still not committed to a relationship, maybe it’s time to get out of there. Get out of the loop. Know your worth.

Not committing means not wanting to accept responsibility for the weight of your feelings. So, he may walk away in the long run, and you can’t say anything because “we weren’t serious.”

Anticipate and plan. Let him know your feelings and intentions, set boundaries, and if he doesn’t accept them, no matter how much it hurts, it’s time to go.

why does he keep me around if he doesn't want a relationship - what to do

The bottom line: Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?

Make sure he is not playing games with you, and find out if he has problems he can solve with you. Be open to dialogue and clarify what you want with him. Above all, don’t accept what he wants to give you.

Don’t settle just for fear of losing him. If he doesn’t want to commit, for whatever reason, it will be better to let go. It will hurt, but you’ll be better off in the long run. And who knows? Once he sees what he’s missing, he may come back running. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You deserve better!

Have you ever been in a situation like this? How did you handle it? Let us know in the comments below!