Any breakup is painful, and leaving a person can be a hard step to take. But obviously, the one who suffers the most is the dumped one. Regardless of how the relationship ended, your partner was probably your best friend. And losing the connection meant losing your partner and essential support in your life. Therefore, sometimes we wonder, “should I contact my ex who dumped me?“
Time has passed, you’ve moved on or are moving on, but you’ve realized that you miss your ex’s friendship. The first thought is to text him, but you think contacting the ex who dumped you might be humiliating. Let’s face it. It’s a complicated situation. That’s why I’ve prepared this article to help you see a little more clearly and help you make a decision.
What does it mean to contact your ex?
It would be best if you first considered what it means to get back in touch with your ex. Are you trying to give the relationship a chance again? Do you want to get back their friendship? Do you want to “see what happens“?
Maybe you’re just afraid he’ll forget you, and you want to be present in his life again selfishly.
If you are thinking about texting him when you feel more lonely, more bored, or have too much time on your hands, you’d better look the other way. Besides your intentions, there are many things to keep in mind:
Should I contact my ex who dumped me? 5 aspects to consider
Even if our intentions are innocent, we cannot avoid being judged by our actions and appearances. Above all, it is necessary to take into account the before the breakup and the possible consequences of resuming contact, as we analyze below:
1. How does it affect you to speak with your ex?
First and foremost, you are the priority. What effect does it have on you to talk to him again? It may create false hope and make you obsess about him or create self-esteem problems. You mustn’t contact him again until you are sure that you are comfortable with the decision and that it will not impact your mental health or your daily life.
2. How did things end?
It is essential to consider how things ended: if it was a fight over something serious or the straw that broke the camel’s back. Suppose it was because of incompatibility between you, because you parted ways, or if there was betrayal or an agreement.
It says a lot about how a person behaves after the breakup. If he respected your space and distance, if he spoke badly about you to others, if he criticized you, said goodbye with affection or with arrogance, etc.
If he blocked you, he might come back as long as the problem wasn’t too severe.
3. Did he cheat on you?
If he cheated on you or ended up in some way betraying your trust, there is nothing to indicate that he will be a good friend. But more importantly, it is likely to damage your self-esteem, and you are not respecting your self-respect if you decide to talk again with someone who behaved unfairly toward you.
4. What are you looking for in your ex?
It is essential to be clear about what you want. A friendship, a cordial relationship, getting back together, or just testing the waters. Don’t write just because you’re bored or have a few days of homesickness. Maybe it’s autumn and raining, and you’re in bed watching a movie.
The sun will come out tomorrow or the next day, and you’ll get out of bed and forget all about it, so don’t get carried away with emotional, romantic impulses. An ex is an ex for a reason, and it better stay that way.
5. What does it mean to him if you write to him?
We can’t ignore the other side of the coin. What will he think if you write to him? “My ex texted me.” Will he tell his friends saying he’s happy or that he’s overwhelmed? Will he be glad to hear from you, overwhelmed, or maybe even ignore you?
If you think he wants to get back together and you don’t, it won’t be a good idea for you to resume contact. If your ex is mature, and you ended on good terms, you are in a unicorn case: the relationship that ends well. You can probably talk to him without any problems.
How long should you wait before talking to your ex?
The big question is how long you should wait before reaching out to an ex who dumped you if you want to be friends with her again. It will depend on the length and seriousness of the relationship, as well as the intensity.
They say at least half as long as it lasted, but there are relationships of half a year that you don’t get over in three months. It will also depend on whether you are more or less emotional.
The answer has two parts:
- The first is that you have to feel a certain indifference toward him. You can feel nostalgic or remember moments that make you feel sweet but not feel the need to create an intimate bond with him every time you see him or get extreme when you visit a picture.
- The second part is a little harder to figure out because your ex must be in that same situation. You can find out through friends or intuit it from his personality. Remember that the important thing is to feel comfortable and at peace before you do anything.
Is it embarrassing to speak to your ex?
The reality is that many people are shocked to see that someone has a good relationship with their ex because almost all couples end in drama. It’s good to lean on others sometimes; when all your friends tell you it’s ridiculous to talk to your ex again, it’s probably for a reason. But if you know you ended well, it shouldn’t matter what others think.
Should I contact your ex who dumped me? Final words
Don’t let your impulses guide you; learn to listen to your intuition. What would your best friend tell you? If he misbehaved with you, if it ended badly, or if you think you are thinking of a desperate attempt to get him back, you’d better get the idea out of your head.
There are too many people to return to one of the few you know who mistreated you. If you’re trying to recover an old friendship and feel peace of mind at the thought of what happened, you need to consider whether it’s time for him too.
Have you ever had a situation where you contacted an ex that went badly? We would love to hear your story in the comments.