Have you ever been in a relationship where everything was going well until he suddenly started to distance himself one day? It can be highly frustrating when you’re in a serious or casual relationship, and he starts treating you differently without warning.
As difficult as it can be to remain rational when emotions take over your mind, there is one thing that must always prevail: make yourself a priority. Learning how to be high value when he pulls away is not easy, but it will do you a favor in the long run, regardless of whether the other person stays in your life or disappears.
The first thing you should do
First, we must differentiate the type of relationship we are in. It is not the same to face a person you have known for a few months and with whom you have had casual encounters as your steady partner of years.
1. With your steady partner
It is not worth throwing the relationship overboard because he has started to distance himself. If this is the first time he has behaved this way, he probably deserves a chance to explain himself.
The most crucial thing in this process is to keep this philosophy in mind: you can try to understand but never justify it. Understand that ghosting or walking away without explanation is never fair.
Let him know that you know something is wrong, and give him a chance to talk. Be open and understanding, but don’t drag it out.
2. In a casual relationship
Is it worth the effort to talk to someone who behaves in a toxic way? If he is not someone decisive in your life, this may be your chance to walk away for good. When someone doesn’t know what he wants or has too many personal problems, he will probably give you trouble and hurt you.
If he gives you hints of behaving in an unfair or illogical way from the beginning, he is a full-fledged red flag. Don’t sit yourself down and prioritize your well-being.
How to be high value when he pulls away: 1) Set boundaries
Regardless of the type of relationship you’re in, it’s essential to set boundaries. First of all, set limits for yourself. Please don’t allow yourself to crawl after the other person for explanations or beg him to come back. A healthy relationship is not based on suffering. You should never have to convince someone to choose or stay with you.
By setting limits for yourself, you are also setting limits for him. Make him understand that you are not willing to tolerate any behavior. Don’t agree to be with him at any price. Otherwise, you’ll show a desperate person’s behavior that will make him understand that he can do whatever he wants with you because you will always be available and at his feet.
How to be high value when he pulls away: 2) Understand he is not everything
You will want to understand why he behaves the way he is and why he is pushing you away. It’s an emotionally responsible person to give the option to talk and come to a solution as adults. But you don’t know what’s going through the other person’s mind.
Don’t ever think that understanding his motives will make it hurt any less. If he has decided to walk away and not give a good explanation or not say anything, let it go. It’s not worth your time and effort. Sometimes it’s better to do nothing when he pulls away.
It is much more productive to focus your strength on thinking that a person who behaves in such an immature way could never have a healthy relationship with you. He could not make you happy for long.
3 reasons why he pulls you away
It’s logical that your mind plays a trick on you and wanders in search of why he talks to you differently or has started to pull away.
1. He is no longer interested in a relationship with you
Simply put, everything has an end. It’s not fair or unfair. It’s the harsh reality. If he didn’t explain it to you and left without warning, he is a person who probably wasn’t worth it. That doesn’t mean you are worthless.
On the contrary, how he left says more about him than about you. Understand that your value is not at stake just because one person did not know how to appreciate it. Value yourself for yourself and him.
2. He is an immature or toxic person.
Let’s accept that there are bad people in the world. Selfish people who play with feelings create illusions and expectations for the future, leaving and hurting you.
Some are not ready for an adult relationship. Others are bored and think that life is a play and people are puppets to play with. What to say? These people are red flags with legs that you should run away from.
3. He has personal problems
Sometimes timing is the problem. He may be a genuinely good person, but he’s going through difficult times and is overwhelmed.
Maybe he hasn’t known how to manage too many emotions together and has neglected you. Forgiving him depends on you and how long this behavior lasts. But don’t forget: understand, don’t justify it. And above all, don’t let it happen again.
How to be high value when he pulls away: Counsel yourself like you would a friend
Do you still have difficulty knowing when to walk away or when to be understanding with him? Write about the whole situation. Think of it as your best friend being in your position and you being an outsider to the story. What would you advise her to do knowing everything you know?
Whatever his reason for distancing himself, remember that you should always be your own priority. Have you ever stopped to think about what you would do if you didn’t have him in your life? What would make you happy?
Before thinking of how you can be high value when he pulls away, you must understand your feelings and the situation. It’s never easy when a relationship ends or changes. But it’s an opportunity to grow, learn and mature emotionally. Trust that everything happens for a reason, and don’t forget: you are the only person who can give yourself what you need.