It may be your ex, an almost something, that “what could have been and wasn’t,” a friend or loved one. You know the relationship could have worked, and you feel angry because he walked away almost without trying, which hurts. It hurts because you feel like he doesn’t care about you. But something in you knows he didn’t. He loves you, but he seems to have problems or a personality that tends to isolate himself. That’s what we call an avoidant personality, and today, we will explain how to make an avoidant miss you.
These people seem to walk away, just like that, without it hurting them. But the reality is quite different. To help you deal with this situation, you must first recognize if this person is avoidant and how their mind works. Then, we will give you a hand with tricks on how to make an avoidant miss you.
How to recognize an avoidant personality
People with avoidant personalities often display various characteristics that can help you recognize them. Here are some of the most common ones:
- Fear of rejection: They deeply fear rejection or criticism, which can impede their ability to form close relationships. It makes them worry excessively about adverse outcomes in social situations, resulting in avoidance of such scenarios because they have difficulty trusting others, making it challenging to form close bonds or seek help.
- Perfectionism: They could be perfectionists with high expectations for themselves and others, which can make them dissatisfied with their or others’ performance. They are usually susceptible to criticism or negative feedback, leading to anxiety or depression.
- Limited emotional expression: Those with avoidant personalities may struggle to communicate emotions or appear aloof or uninterested in social scenarios.
- Low self-esteem: Individuals with avoidant personalities may have a negative self-image and low self-esteem, making it hard for them to assert themselves or take risks. They frequently experience anxiety or discomfort in social situations, leading them to avoid them. They may prefer solitude to socialize, resulting in few intimate relationships. To sum up, avoidant individuals may be acutely self-conscious and excessively worried about others’ opinions of them.
How do avoidants’ minds work?
People with avoidant personalities often use a variety of mental defense mechanisms to protect themselves from emotional pain and discomfort in relationships. One common defense mechanism is avoidance, in which individuals distance themselves from the person they care about. This could involve canceling plans, not returning phone calls, ignoring messages, or generally creating distance between themselves and the other person. This allows the avoidant individual to feel a sense of control over the situation and to avoid potential rejection or abandonment.
Another defense mechanism that avoidant individuals may use is an idealization, followed by devaluation. This involves initially putting the other person on a pedestal and idealizing them, only to begin later to find fault with them and criticize them. This allows the avoidant person to distance themselves emotionally from the other person and avoid being hurt. By focusing on the other person’s flaws, they can justify the decision to end the relationship or maintain emotional distance.
While these defense mechanisms may provide temporary relief, they can ultimately lead to further isolation and loneliness for the avoidant individual.
So, are you sure he is an avoidant? If you have been able to recognize him in this type of behavior, you have a great advantage. Because now that you have empathized with him, you can apply the techniques we offer you in the post to make him miss you.
How to make an avoidant miss you: 10 effective techniques
Want to make that avoidant you love to miss you too? Please make no mistake; it’s not about going after them. On the contrary. Follow our tips to make him come looking for you:
1. Be mysterious
Instead of sharing every detail of your life immediately, try to hold back and let the avoidant person become intrigued by you. You can drop subtle hints about your interests, goals, or passions to create curiosity without giving away everything at once. This can make the avoidant person more interested in getting to know you deeper.
2. Take a break from social media
While social media can be a great way to stay connected, it can also make it easy for the avoidant person to track your every move. Taking a break from social media, even for just a short period, can create a sense of mystery and make the avoidant person wonder what you are up to. This can make them more likely to miss you and want to reach out.
3. Be patient
Avoidant individuals may have difficulty opening up or committing to a relationship, but this doesn’t necessarily mean they are not interested in you. Give them the time and space they need to process their emotions and come to their conclusions. Pushing too hard can overwhelm them and cause them to retreat even further.
4. Focus on self-care
Taking care of yourself physically and mentally can help boost your confidence and make you more attractive to the avoidant person. Take time to exercise, eat healthily, get enough sleep, and engage in activities that make you feel good. This can make the avoidant person see you more positively and want to spend more time with you.
5. Create positive memories
Spend quality time with the avoidant person and engage in activities that create positive memories. This can be anything from trying a new restaurant to taking a weekend getaway. These experiences can create a sense of connection and make the avoidant person more likely to miss you when you are not around.
6. Use positive reinforcement
When the avoidant person engages in positive behaviors, such as opening up or spending time with you, acknowledge and reward them. This can be as simple as complimenting or showing appreciation for their efforts. Positive reinforcement can encourage them to continue engaging in positive behaviors and help them feel more comfortable and secure in the relationship.
7. Show empathy
Avoidant individuals may struggle with expressing their emotions or connecting with others, which can be a source of frustration or confusion for their partners. Showing empathy and understanding towards their struggles can help build trust and deepen the relationship. Try to put yourself in their shoes and validate their feelings without judgment or criticism.
8. Give them space
Finally, giving the avoidant person space is essential when they need it. This means respecting their boundaries and not pushing them to engage in activities or conversations they are not comfortable with. Giving them space can help them feel more comfortable in the relationship and ultimately make them miss you more when you are not around.
9. Be independent
Avoidant individuals may feel overwhelmed by a partner who is too dependent or clingy. Try to maintain a sense of independence and pursue your interests and hobbies. This can make you more attractive and help avoidant people see you as confident and self-assured.
Be patient, and don’t push them too hard or too fast. Respect their boundaries and let them come to you when they are ready. Be supportive and understanding during these times, and offer a listening ear or words of encouragement. This can help build trust and create a deeper connection.
10. Don’t take it personally
Remember that an avoidant person’s behavior does not necessarily reflect your worth or attractiveness. Try not to take their behavior personally and instead focus on building a positive and healthy relationship. This can help you remain calm and grounded, even in uncertainty or ambiguity.
How to make an avoidant miss you? Final Thoughts
As you can see, avoidant people’s minds are full of uncertainty, insecurity, complex mechanisms, and desires to avoid conflict, even if they must sacrifice relationships. They also suffer from being like that.
Therefore, if you know how to act correctly following the techniques we have indicated, you can encourage them to overcome this mental barrier, make them miss you, and want to make an effort to look for you. What has been your experience so far with avoidants? Do you have advice for other people in the same situation as you? Let us know in the comments.