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How to win her back after hurting her?

Even the healthiest, most perfect relationships have their rough patches. When it’s a long, stable relationship, and you believe she’s the love of your life, it pays to be patient. If you have done something that has hurt her beyond the usual couple argument or disagreement, such as cheating on her or hiding something important from her, you will have to try a lot harder. I bet you might think, “how do I win her back after hurting her?” Well, keep reading.

Trust is something that is gained little by little and lost in an instant. If you are genuinely sorry and she is the love of your life, it is worth trying again, even if it is difficult and painful. Don’t get stuck in the “why did she leave me?” cycle and do nothing.

How to win her back after hurting her: 10 vital decisions

Whenever you sense that she has left the door open for you and has not closed it all the way, there are many steps you should follow to win her back.

Of course, if you think it’s over for her because it’s unforgivable, you can only apologize with your heart in your hand and let her go, respecting her decisions. But, if you think she has kicked you out because of the pain, but there is still hope, follow these steps:

1) Apologize truthfully

You’ve probably already apologized to her several times. But it’s desperate forgiveness, a “sorry, please don’t leave me.” Let things calm down for a day, and write her a letter or message that is not too short or too long but in which you apologize.

how to win her back after hurting her - apologize

Pour out your regret and explain why you know you were wrong and how you know it won’t happen again. Let her see your heart is still with her, and this problem has opened your eyes to never wanting to lose her. You must be sincere and tactful.

2) Respect her space

At first, she will not be receptive. She will be in pain, blaming you and hating you for what you have done to her and hating herself because hatred for you is not incompatible with love, which is still there.

Stop chasing her in the beginning. You will only succeed in overwhelming her. So give her time and space to heal, get together, and assimilate everything that has happened. Think of how long you should wait to text her back after apologizing or opening a new conversation.

3) Let her know you are waiting

It is essential that before you give her her space, perhaps in the letter in which you ask for her forgiveness, you make it clear that you are respecting her space because you care and appreciate her, but let her know that you are there waiting and thinking about her every day.

You don’t have to text her daily, but find a way to communicate without being on top of it all day. You can, for example, talk to her best friend. Probably the person who hates you the most is the person closest to her. And that’s why you have to face this difficult struggle.

If you convince her of your intentions, you will be one step closer to getting her back. Tell her your plan, and explain your emotions.

4) Think about what you did

It would help if you took advantage of this waiting time to reflect.

Think about what you did. What led you to do it, and what will happen if you find yourself in a similar situation again? How will you stop, what will you think, and how will you control yourself?

You must be clear about this because you will have to tell her later so she can trust you again.

5) Don’t push her

Even if you make her understand you’re waiting for her, don’t push too hard, or she will want to let you out of her sight.

She mustn’t loathe you because this will be her opportunity to de-idealize you, and she’ll take every step to find a reason to push you away. It is a defense mechanism.

how to win her back after hurting her - don't push her

6) Work on yourself

Don’t play the victim. Don’t start telling her that you are a martyr who lives for her and you’ll die waiting for her. That is not healthy either for you or for a hypothetical new relationship. 

Besides, you risk emotionally blackmailing her, which is unfair to a suffering person. Go to the gym, work, meet your friends, and change your life a little. If you’re not well, you won’t be able to have a strong relationship again, and you must be strong in case she doesn’t want to return.

7) Show up constantly

When a reasonable amount of time has passed, or she’s given you a hint that she’s not so angry anymore, it’s time to strike.

Come back into her life constantly, even if only in small moments. Leave her a flower every morning, bring her a surprise dinner, propose a date or something quiet. Nothing too big. Step by step to get her used to being with you again.

8) Try to start over and make her happy

Your priority is to make her happy during her time with you. To move forward, she needs to relate being with you to having a good time, so try to make plans to bring her some happiness.

You can do things that you did before and that she liked, although the ideal would be to innovate to avoid that she relates things with the past.

9) Don’t talk much about it but accept what happened

Most likely, your head is spinning about what happened, and you are constantly going hot and cold, making passive-aggressive comments and starting arguments. You must be communicative and accept her criticism.

Listen to her, apologize as often as necessary, and then tell her what you plan to do to prevent it from happening again.

She might be the one who starts the arguments at first, and you should tell her that you are open to listening to her when necessary. But let her know that it is not healthy for you to talk about it as the days go by constantly.

how to win her back after hurting her - be patient

10) Be patient, but have a limit

You must be patient, depending on the severity of what happened.

Keep trying hard to get her back, listen to her, make her happy, and get her back to normal. But if time passes and everything turns into sad talks and arguments, and she finds herself unable to trust you again, you will have to accept that it is time to let her go.

So give yourself a deadline. Accept slow progress, but don’t get stuck because you condemn both of you to suffer unnecessarily.

How to win her back after hurting her? Conclusions

All actions have consequences. If the other person is worth it, you will be patient and strive to win her back while working on yourself, improving yourself so as not to repeat the mistakes. Now you know how to win her back after hurting her, but don’t force it.

This period may be the point in the relationship where everything gets stronger. But it can also be the moment when it breaks up, and there is no turning back. Whatever it is, you must accept it by setting limits for yourself and the other person, always looking out for the happiness of both of you.

Do you agree with these tips on how to win her back after hurting her? Do you have any other advice? Share your thoughts in the comments!