Being in a relationship or falling in love with an avoidant guy is one of the most emotionally painful experiences. You feel that you are constantly chasing a person; consequently, you think that he doesn’t love you and that you are annoying, even desperate. That is why you need to get out of this vicious cycle. We understand that it is not easy. Therefore, we want to help you by offering you information about why he is like that, why you can never be happy with an avoidant, and what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant.
5 reasons why he is an avoidant
When you like someone, it can be frustrating and confusing when they seem to be avoiding you, but understanding why they are the way they are might help. There could be a variety of reasons, but here are the most common ones:
1. He is afraid of commitment
Commitment can be scary for many people, especially if they have been hurt or perceive commitment as a loss of their freedom. They may not want to open themselves up to the possibility of getting hurt again, so they avoid getting too close to someone they like.
2. He has mommy issues
Sometimes, a person’s relationship with their mother can affect their relationships with others, especially romantic ones. If a person has unresolved issues with their mother, they may struggle with intimacy and avoid getting close to someone they like.
3. He isn’t over his ex yet
When a person hasn’t fully processed their last relationship, they may not be ready to start a new one. They may be holding onto feelings for their ex (thinking their ex will eventually come back) or still feeling hurt from the breakup, and as a result, they avoid getting too close to someone they like.
4. He is feeling insecure
Personal insecurities about your relationship can be significant barriers. If he feels unsure about himself, he may avoid getting close to someone he likes for fear of being rejected or not measuring up.
5. He is emotionally unavailable
Some people struggle with emotional openness and vulnerability, making it difficult to connect with others deeply. If someone is emotionally unavailable, they may avoid getting close to someone they like because they are afraid of getting hurt or don’t know how to open up.
Reasons why you would never be happy with an avoidant
Being in a relationship with an avoidant person can be emotionally draining and challenging. Here are some reasons why it’s better to move on and seek out a healthier relationship:
- Lack of emotional availability: your boyfriend might struggle with emotional openness and vulnerability, making it difficult to establish a deep and meaningful connection. This can leave you feeling emotionally unfulfilled and lonely.
- Constant uncertainty: Avoidants often use a pattern of intermittent reinforcement, meaning they’ll give you just enough attention to keep you hooked but never enough to feel secure in the relationship. This can leave you constantly wondering where you stand and uncertain about the future.
- Self-doubt and insecurity: The constant rejection and lack of attention from an avoidant partner can lead to self-doubt and insecurity, damaging your self-esteem and confidence.
- Emotional exhaustion: Constantly trying to get the attention and affection of an avoidant partner can be emotionally exhausting and take a toll on your mental health.
- Time and energy wasted: By pursuing an avoidant partner, you’re wasting precious time and energy that could be spent on finding a healthier relationship where you’re valued and appreciated.
What happens when you stop chasing an avoidant? Here are some benefits
When you like or even love someone with an avoidant personality, it can be tempting to chase after them and try to get their attention. However, sometimes the best thing you can do is to step back and give them space. Here’s what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant:
1. You gain mental freedom
When you stop chasing someone, you free up mental space and energy that you can use for other things. Instead of constantly thinking about the person and what they’re doing, you can focus on yourself and your own goals and happiness. This can lead to a feeling of liberation and empowerment.
2. Intermittent reinforcement can no longer control you
Avoidants often use a pattern of intermittent reinforcement, as we explained before, meaning they’ll occasionally give you just enough attention to keep you hooked. When you stop chasing, you take away their power over you and stop the reinforcement cycle. This can be a complicated process, but it is necessary for breaking free from the cycle of frustration and disappointment.
3. You learn more about yourself
You’re forced to turn inward and focus on yourself when you stop chasing someone. This can be a valuable opportunity for self-reflection and growth. You can start understanding your behavior patterns and why you may have been drawn to someone avoidant. You can also work on improving yourself and becoming a stronger and more confident person.
4. You become more attractive
People are naturally drawn to confident individuals with a sense of purpose. Taking care of yourself and pursuing your goals will make you more attractive and secure, leading to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
What happens when you stop chasing an avoidant: The bottom line
Life is too short to live, begging for love from a specific person. And you, if you are here reading worried, you are probably a good, caring, and loving person who wants the person you love to love you back. You deserve someone who won’t make you doubt or suffer and go to sleep peacefully at night.
But we understand that an avoidant person can be very addictive, and getting out of that relationship is not easy. So, tell us in the comments about your situation and talk to other girls who are going through something similar.